About

Who am I and why am I doing this? What’s this blog about? Well … here it is for all to see.

Who am I?

I am a 40 year old male battling severe depression and anxiety. I’m not sure how long I’ve been this way, but I know it has been at least 5 years. This all came to a head in November, 2009 when all at once my world started to fall apart around me. My wife of 18 years came to me and held a mirror to my face to tell me she did not like the person I’ve become. After living with me all this time she had enough and asked me for a separation. This happened at the same time my business was failing after 4 years and I was consumed by making it work. So … my marriage is on the rocks, my business is done, I’m looking for work, and I have depression. So I’m depressed … now what?

Why am I doing this?

No longer denying I have a problem I am fighting this thing as hard as I can. I have hit rock bottom and the only way is up. After someone experiences losing everything all at once its easy to see what is really important in life: health, family then work. Somehow in my twisted mind I had that all backwards thinking work came first. If I didn’t work we wouldn’t be able to survive. In the process I lost myself … literally. Everything has been bottled up inside. After having a complete emotional breakdown, it’s all coming out now and I can’t control it. I have decided the only thing to do is to write about it, share it and hopefully find answers.

What is this blog about?

This blog is my story. I’m telling everyone the painful details of what my life has become. In the process I hope I will regain my sanity and find a path that will restore my inner peace.

I love my wife very much and I would do anything in this world to keep her. She is the most important person in my life. She is my soul mate. I could never love someone as deeply as I do my wife. After years of her telling me she didn’t feel like I was making her a priority, I finally get it. You see I could not face the fact that I was the problem the whole time. Depression and anxiety kept me away from those I love the most. While that may suggest I’m seeking help so that I can save my marriage, it goes much deeper than that.

Yes, I want to save my marriage, but before I can even try I must get healthy first. Health, family and work … in that order. So this blog is for anyone going through depression and/or anxiety. It is my hope that by sharing my story I can get help, find answers, help others, and if I’m lucky, save my marriage.