Doctor Visit
Monday finally came after a long and torturous weekend. My doctor’s appointment was first thing in the morning. Discussing the events, my terrible anxiety, the inability to get things done, and of course, separating from my wife, the doctor immediately confirmed that I have severe depression with a healthy dose of anxiety. Great! Now what?
The first step … medication. She prescribed Zolof to help me feel better telling me it helps a chemical imbalance in my brain. Apparently the depression and anxiety can be treated by altering my brain chemistry. I wasn’t aware of this, but it is quite common. The bad news was that they will take 3 weeks to a month before I start feeling better. I simply could not bear the thought of living this way for that long. I couldn’t function at work, at home, or around my kids without having the need to sob uncontrollably. It was so bad that I found refuge in the back bedroom bathroom to stay away from everyone while I balled my eyes out.
The first day I took the medication was a truly unnerving experience. My body has to get used to the medication and there are side effects when you first start taking it. I was completely zoned out. A total zombie. It simply made me feel like there was nothing else going on in the world. While I welcomed the feeling of not worrying or being stressed out, this was a new way of feeling out of control. I would attempt to work and right in the middle of it find myself staring at nothing … thinking of nothing. It was a serious trip.
Of course after the first day I call my doctor. She assures me this is normal and I will get used to it soon, just keep taking it. Well, okay, it’s better than not doing anything. The odd sensation of staring and zoning out stopped after the third day. My uncontrollable crying fits also continued. I was completely a mess. About the fifth day I actually started to feel relief. Coaching my daughter’s softball team I found myself actually enjoying the moment. Wow … I DO feel better.
This was short-lived however. While I was experiencing relief one day, I would crash the next day. Really high highs and really low lows. It was like a roller coaster. But I kept taking the meds and after about a week and a half things started to feel normal and the roller coaster seems to be leveling out.
So … now I’ve been on medication for a little over two weeks. I don’t feel like a zombie anymore, but my anxiety is coming back. I guess it’s time to up the dosage.
This is my story of discovering I have depression and anxiety. Through this journey I will share my experiences in the hope of healing and beating this beast.
